It has really been a long time. Never really felt like making any entries. Life just wasn't turning out as well as I would have hoped. Its a Saturday evening and I don't really have anything to do. Well, I have assignments pending, but its this lethargic vibe in me thats preventing me from getting started on anything not vaguely entertaining. I had lunch with one of my older colleagues in a different team recently and there are stuff she said that made sense, however unpleasant they were to hear. Bottom line of the conversation was, if you want to have a change, people have got to see your commitment to it. Talk is cheap. Effort and results speak louder of intentions than mere words can convey. Of course, she wasn't critical of me specifically, but I can feel this is one area that I am lacking. Basically, I'm all talk and no action. I've got to work on that.
Recently, the company heralded the arrival of a new batch of graduate hires. There's a few near me and I can see the excitement and anticipation in their faces, all basking in the glory of a potentially fulfilling career. I remember I was a new bird once. I was optimistic. People seems to label us "high flyers" and "fast-tracked". Well, look at where I am now. My peers aren't faring much better too, unfortunately. Hopefully things will change for my new colleagues. I've heard our firm's graduate programs are a lot more structured now, as compared to my day. I can only hope thats true, for their sakes.
In any case, half the year has come and gone. Not much change to the status quo. Still single, and job's still the same. Not much development either way. Not much change in my social life either, with work taking up more or less the whole bulk of my available time. I did remember talking about getting back into bowling again, although that never materialized, due in part, to a lack of partners, but more importantly, a lack of effort. Well, I guess I might never get started, the way things are going. Time will tell.
Anyway, the new iphone is launching soon. I'll probably be getting it, although not anytime soon, since I'm only interested in the white one and it seems that it'll get delayed. Well, lets hope it doesn't get delayed too much. That's about the few things in my bleak life that I'm looking forward to these days.
Mars 500
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It has been a tough week. Unfortunately, not much different from the last. A few colleagues left the firm this week again. This may seem like a regular occurrence by now and nothing much to be alarmed about anymore, but this time, one of them happened to be in the same team as me. In a way, I'm happy for her. She's been in the same role for more than 4 years now and any fool can see its not going to lead anywhere. Although I do feel a little sad that I've lost some help, on the other hand, I guess she can finally get her career going. Its too bad I can't really say the same for myself. I've got to find some new ground pretty quick. Its getting pretty shaky where I am currently.
In any case, for some reason, I felt the need to splurge last week, so went down to town and got this.
Here's a lume shot. Its actually orange lume but it seems kinda yellow in the pic. In any case, I noticed the lume isn't as impressive as the RXW that I had. I guess the sandwich dial makes a big difference.
By the way, its a limited edition watch, "limited" to 2012 pieces. Though to be honest, I'm not sure a watch with a production run in the thousands can truly be called "limited"
Probably the view I'll be seeing a lot in the coming days.
Anyway, went for a midnight car wash again today. I remember when I was in University, I used to enjoy doing this. Now I remember why. In the dead of the night, its just you. There's no one around and its dead quiet. Its hard to describe, but its precisely this solitude that gives me the company I need. That might sound a wee bit contradicting, but that's just the way it is. It's such a serene feeling that I think I do not have the ability to convey it in writing. Anyhow, one more day to the start of another tortuous work week. I really do need all the luck I can get these days.
SSDD?
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Today a really interesting thing happened. We had a team meeting today and the content was unusually unusual for a team meeting. Normally the purpose of meetings, especially among teams, is to update and foster better working relations; this one had the boss telling all of us that its about time we start looking for other stuff to do. In all fairness, there wasn't any malice in the discussion, its more of an insightful look into whether its likely that we still find ourselves doing the same thing, say 5 years down the road.
Although I don't agree with some of what he said, one thing did struck a chord. I can't picture myself in my current role forever. Neither can any of my colleagues for that matter. One of my colleague even mentioned to me after the meeting that he now just plain hates his job. Its the same old thing, day in day out. I personally don't "hate" what I do, but I'm far from enjoying it. Although my gripe differs from him significantly. I don't mind a repetitive routine if it adds value to myself, the problem is its hard to see that lining in this cloud. In any case, I can tell this little session has got most of my colleagues pondering over a career change. I won't be surprised from tomorrow onwards to see some behavioral changes as well. I might even exhibit some symptoms myself for all I know.
Anyway, enough of that. My assignment is all submitted and thats another piece off my mind. Although I do feel a little guilty this time, since its a group assignment and I personally feel I did not contribute as much as 2 other members in my group. They are like some little effervescent creature; with long emails back and forth on what to include in the bibliography, what other points to add, some theory that we could use, etc. I am amazed and impressed at the effort they are expending and I'm sort of ashamed to say I can never do that. Oh well, no use thinking about the assignment now, its all said and done. Now, I'm looking forward to the exam!
Although I don't agree with some of what he said, one thing did struck a chord. I can't picture myself in my current role forever. Neither can any of my colleagues for that matter. One of my colleague even mentioned to me after the meeting that he now just plain hates his job. Its the same old thing, day in day out. I personally don't "hate" what I do, but I'm far from enjoying it. Although my gripe differs from him significantly. I don't mind a repetitive routine if it adds value to myself, the problem is its hard to see that lining in this cloud. In any case, I can tell this little session has got most of my colleagues pondering over a career change. I won't be surprised from tomorrow onwards to see some behavioral changes as well. I might even exhibit some symptoms myself for all I know.
Anyway, enough of that. My assignment is all submitted and thats another piece off my mind. Although I do feel a little guilty this time, since its a group assignment and I personally feel I did not contribute as much as 2 other members in my group. They are like some little effervescent creature; with long emails back and forth on what to include in the bibliography, what other points to add, some theory that we could use, etc. I am amazed and impressed at the effort they are expending and I'm sort of ashamed to say I can never do that. Oh well, no use thinking about the assignment now, its all said and done. Now, I'm looking forward to the exam!
When is it going to end?
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I realized that this has become a recurring theme in my last few entries. I am dead beat. Just as I thought, the last week was not much different from the previous one. There were loads of stuff to do, and they just keep coming. Being shorthanded doesn't really help either. That's also one reason why I don't understand why one of my colleagues in another office was asked to leave. I do know he had some differences with his superior, but I didn't think that had anything to do with his work performance. This brings to mind something that I recall from one of the last lectures I went to. "People don't quit from jobs, they quit from people". Now here's one prime example right here, this very example has all of us worried if we'll ever go this way too.
Anyway, went for a drink with my team yesterday evening, and we saw tons of colleagues at the nearby pub. What was interesting is that everyone was there to unwind and to celebrate the coming of the weekend. For the three of us, we were basically there to drown our sorrows, whine, and think about the mountain of work that awaits us 2 days later. Our moods were basically the polar opposite of everyone else that night, and we had to toast all the happy people out there whenever they come our way. Needless to say, aside from the occasional miniskirt that comes our way, there wasn't much heartening content in our conversations.
Anyway, I still had not finished my assignment. I'm not too worried this time though, selfish as it may seemed, I always seem to do lesser whenever there's groupwork involved. I don't ask for much, I just hope we get a decent grade. In any case, I have just spent almost the entire Saturday doing NOTHING. Its strangely liberating yet worrying at the same time. On one hand, its been a long while since I don't have some sort of work on a weekend, but on the other hand, I really feel I should be putting all these time to better use; like finding a new job for example.o_O.
Oh well, I still can't bring myself to get started on anything. Maybe I'll go wash the car later around 10pm. Last time I washed the car at such an hour was way back in NTU.
Anyway, went for a drink with my team yesterday evening, and we saw tons of colleagues at the nearby pub. What was interesting is that everyone was there to unwind and to celebrate the coming of the weekend. For the three of us, we were basically there to drown our sorrows, whine, and think about the mountain of work that awaits us 2 days later. Our moods were basically the polar opposite of everyone else that night, and we had to toast all the happy people out there whenever they come our way. Needless to say, aside from the occasional miniskirt that comes our way, there wasn't much heartening content in our conversations.
Anyway, I still had not finished my assignment. I'm not too worried this time though, selfish as it may seemed, I always seem to do lesser whenever there's groupwork involved. I don't ask for much, I just hope we get a decent grade. In any case, I have just spent almost the entire Saturday doing NOTHING. Its strangely liberating yet worrying at the same time. On one hand, its been a long while since I don't have some sort of work on a weekend, but on the other hand, I really feel I should be putting all these time to better use; like finding a new job for example.o_O.
Oh well, I still can't bring myself to get started on anything. Maybe I'll go wash the car later around 10pm. Last time I washed the car at such an hour was way back in NTU.
ANOTHER bad week??
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It was yet another hellweek for me last week. This was made worse by a mistake I made in the middle of this tortuous period. I was negligent in a certain task, and while there were no direct impact, I still feel pretty rotten deep down, knowing that I've screwed up. I would like to blame it on the workload, but I know that's not why. Come to think of it, ever since I've been back from my incamp training, I've been working 12 hour days. The sad thing is all these are just invisible hours. No one knows I'm working, and no one certainly cares that I am. Sometimes I really wonder whether its worthwhile to care too much. I know some colleagues of mine never seem to have that problem.
Anyway, today being Sunday means that the start of another week is looming. And if the signs are any indication, I can expect the same levels of stress to come right at me from day one. I've been wondering for a long time how long can I put up with this crap. Its just too unfortunate that I haven't found any other ground to venture.
On a totally unrelated topic, a colleague of mine, who I had known for quite a while since I joined is leaving the firm for a rival company near Vivocity. While I was sad to see him go, I guess it should be a better place that he's going to. Another colleague of mine is thinking of leaving as well. She told me that she's still undecided and not to be surprised if I don't see her after 3 months. Its interesting to note that there are lots of people having the same thoughts as me while not having to deal with crap like me. But then again, they most probably have their own crap to contend with, though those are crap that I would most gladly trade with. Oh well, time to go to sleep and brace myself for another excruciating week ahead.
Anyway, today being Sunday means that the start of another week is looming. And if the signs are any indication, I can expect the same levels of stress to come right at me from day one. I've been wondering for a long time how long can I put up with this crap. Its just too unfortunate that I haven't found any other ground to venture.
On a totally unrelated topic, a colleague of mine, who I had known for quite a while since I joined is leaving the firm for a rival company near Vivocity. While I was sad to see him go, I guess it should be a better place that he's going to. Another colleague of mine is thinking of leaving as well. She told me that she's still undecided and not to be surprised if I don't see her after 3 months. Its interesting to note that there are lots of people having the same thoughts as me while not having to deal with crap like me. But then again, they most probably have their own crap to contend with, though those are crap that I would most gladly trade with. Oh well, time to go to sleep and brace myself for another excruciating week ahead.
Humdrum
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It has been one hectic week after ICT. With the exception of the last two days of the week, where I had to leave early for lessons, it was pretty much 12 hour days everyday. We have a "ticket-count" going on daily as a rough gauge of performance, and lately, I've been "slipping down the charts". That's actually one reason why my latest module, centered on organisational behavior, really strikes a chord with my current predicament, especially when it came to the part about managers and work satisfaction. Words like "indifference", "dissonance" as well as "burnout" were especially relevant, though not entirely accurate.
As for why my "count is slipping", I think I am gradually getting bored with all the daily nuances I have to deal with. One question always seems to linger in my head. "THIS is what I'm getting paid for?" No doubt, I think I'm getting good money, but to be honest, I think I'm overpaid for what I do. I guess this may seem to be a somewhat strange area to be complaining about, but one hidden connotation of that is that I could be doing something that's more meaningful and gives me much more value. I want to feel proud to be paid to do work that generates value, both to me and the people around me. Sadly, this is just not happening where I am now.
I had the chance to talk to another colleague of mine when we were still in the office around 9pm one particular evening last week and he mentioned the exact same thing. If it weren't for the money, he would have left ages ago. Providing for both the family as well as housing doesn't make his decision easier. He was at a point in life where he could not afford any uncertainties that would throw his routine off-whack. That was when I told him that I'll put up with this for another year,at most. That's the limit of my threshold. At some point, I've got to bite the bullet and take the plunge. At least learning something new won't be as painful now when I've got no kids to feed.
As for why my "count is slipping", I think I am gradually getting bored with all the daily nuances I have to deal with. One question always seems to linger in my head. "THIS is what I'm getting paid for?" No doubt, I think I'm getting good money, but to be honest, I think I'm overpaid for what I do. I guess this may seem to be a somewhat strange area to be complaining about, but one hidden connotation of that is that I could be doing something that's more meaningful and gives me much more value. I want to feel proud to be paid to do work that generates value, both to me and the people around me. Sadly, this is just not happening where I am now.
I had the chance to talk to another colleague of mine when we were still in the office around 9pm one particular evening last week and he mentioned the exact same thing. If it weren't for the money, he would have left ages ago. Providing for both the family as well as housing doesn't make his decision easier. He was at a point in life where he could not afford any uncertainties that would throw his routine off-whack. That was when I told him that I'll put up with this for another year,at most. That's the limit of my threshold. At some point, I've got to bite the bullet and take the plunge. At least learning something new won't be as painful now when I've got no kids to feed.
Fun's over.
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The week at Tekong has ended and I'm missing it already. The week was both tiring and fun at the same time. Before I go more in depth on what we did over the week, here is a picture of our lodgings.
Its not too clear unfortunately, considering I took it with a cellphone cam. Anyway,these are longhouses and every platoon was allocated one. We did not have the luxury of real beds though, and had to make do with safari beds, which was kind of hard to fall asleep on, but not really a problem when you're dead tired.
The schedule on the island was interesting, it was the first time in my life that I did some serious mountain-biking, with rough roads and gear changes and stuff. Being able to do it with friends and in an environment that is relatively unspoilt by human intervention was an added bonus. Anyway, the bike cycling was just one of a few events organized by the battalion, we had movie screenings, navigation exercises and even a mini sports day, although the latter was just before we left for Tekong. The highlight of the Tekong trip however, was a survival demonstration course where the instructor(an indian ranger) showed us how to live off the land. The part that had some of our more compassionate soldiers grimacing was where he demonstrated how to kill animals with your hands. Almost all his methods involve decapitation and his unfortunate victims range from a quail to a hen. One of my friends even tried his hand at it when the ranger asked for volunteers. Thats one more quail headed for that big forest in the sky.
We did not have much to do at night though, after all the activities of the day had come to an end. There were movie screenings but I did not catch any of them,seeing it was held outdoors and I did not find the idea of being a human mosquito bait very inviting. Instead, all my nights were spent on this:
Seeing them all seated in company formation and their fullpacks all laid out neatly behind them really brings back memories. Although it has been more than 10 years since my POP, some things just stays the same. I can see the look in the eyes of many fresh-faced recruits and I guess mine was pretty much the same back then. It was an added surprise when we learnt that their school CO used to be my unit's CO back when we were still an active unit. Talk about coincidences. I wonder what would be his reaction if he were to see us now.
The schedule on the island was interesting, it was the first time in my life that I did some serious mountain-biking, with rough roads and gear changes and stuff. Being able to do it with friends and in an environment that is relatively unspoilt by human intervention was an added bonus. Anyway, the bike cycling was just one of a few events organized by the battalion, we had movie screenings, navigation exercises and even a mini sports day, although the latter was just before we left for Tekong. The highlight of the Tekong trip however, was a survival demonstration course where the instructor(an indian ranger) showed us how to live off the land. The part that had some of our more compassionate soldiers grimacing was where he demonstrated how to kill animals with your hands. Almost all his methods involve decapitation and his unfortunate victims range from a quail to a hen. One of my friends even tried his hand at it when the ranger asked for volunteers. Thats one more quail headed for that big forest in the sky.
We did not have much to do at night though, after all the activities of the day had come to an end. There were movie screenings but I did not catch any of them,seeing it was held outdoors and I did not find the idea of being a human mosquito bait very inviting. Instead, all my nights were spent on this:
Its a card game called "Citadels". The good part is up to 8 people can play and we were never short of willing parties. We have another card game called "Saboteur" that we alternate with this one to keep things fresh. I've really got to thank Justin for bring something so quaint into camp. I don't think I'll ever play something like this if not for him. Due to all the fun we're having, the week flew by before we knew it and soon, it was time to hop onto the ferry back to the mainland. We did catch a glimpse of some recruits practicing for their POP parade though.
Seeing them all seated in company formation and their fullpacks all laid out neatly behind them really brings back memories. Although it has been more than 10 years since my POP, some things just stays the same. I can see the look in the eyes of many fresh-faced recruits and I guess mine was pretty much the same back then. It was an added surprise when we learnt that their school CO used to be my unit's CO back when we were still an active unit. Talk about coincidences. I wonder what would be his reaction if he were to see us now.
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